Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

To properly review this movie, I will have to write two reviews. One review in which I love it, and one in which I hate it. This is to accurately display my love/hate relationship with this movie. It seems to be random as well. One day I will like it, and the next I will hate it. I do not understand why this is, but here we go on my two reviews:

First, the Bad:
This movie sucks. It’s like I can’t help but sigh and get a frown on my face when I watch it. Just thinking of all those stupid little jokes and antics makes me upset. This movie was going to be the bomb. Rated PG-13, Anakin kills everyone, Padme somehow dies, and just all these loose ends were supposed to be tied to the original movies. But what we got was an emo fest full of bad lines and confusing dialogue. I don’t want to sound like I am complaining to much, but come on. . .uggghhh. . .this movie just makes me cringe sometimes.

First off, the absolute worst thing about the new movies is the visual style. I hate it. Everything is fake. They can’t even find a frickin’ baby for Obi-Wan to hold at the end! Not even a doll? I cannot stand the monotonous computer generated imagery (CGI). Like the Clones for example, and all of them have Temura Morrison’s head. I understand you have to use computer for that. . .but not for the Clones’ bodies. What the hell is that? Everything is fake. Everything. And worst of all, it looks fake and we know it’s fake. If I know something is fake, I automatically don’t believe it’s there. And what the hell is with the CG Yoda? He looked awesome as a puppet, and now he looks fake. I admit you have to use CG for when he is fighting, yea, of course, but when he’s just sitting there? That is so stupid. What ever happened to the Star Wars with puppets, models, and sets? In “Clerks,” Randal says “All ‘[Return of the] Jedi’ had was a bunch of muppets.” Well I like it that way. I like having REAL things in the frame with REAL light falling it and it being in the same space as the actors. It makes me so angry. . .maybe because I am an aspiring filmmaker and enjoy more traditional techniques of filmmaking. I especially hate all this CGI because there is no visual continuity within the series. Yea, watch shiny ships zoom around in the first three movies, but in the last three, it’s models on a string. There is absolutely NO visual continuity and it pisses me off.

Before I go off on that too much, because there is a whole lot more to go off on, I will spare you and talk about what I think are the other weak points of this movie. The love scenes are pretty dumb, to put it bluntly, and the love between the characters doesn’t seem genuine. Also, just some of the acting is just bad. Some of the writing isn’t that great either.

Another thing about this movie is that it seems too rushed. There’s like a different planet in every freaking scene. We are zooming all over the galaxy! If there is one scene I wanted to see in this movie, it would be Anakin in the Temple, crazed by his hate and immersion to the Dark Side, taking on all the Jedi Masters and killing them without remorse. What better way to show pure evil that the killing of all the Jedi? . .instead I got three Jedi Masters getting pwned by Emperor Palpatine (who can’t look cool while fighting with a lightsaber, by the way.) And what the hell was with the Jedi dying so easily? In the Battle of Geonosis, the Jedi were rockstars, blocking lasers this way and that. However, when some clones shoot them from one direction, they die? What the hell is that? And what was Obi-Wan’s little lightsaber stance when battling Grevious. . .with his two pointed out like doofus. Ugggh. . .

I could go on and on about other cringeworthy moments, but I don’t want to bore you to death. What was Padme’s veranda? And what were all the designs on the floor? How come there are no designs on any floors in the original movies? I guess the Empire targeted floor designers after the Jedi and other Republic supporters were taken care of.

Another thing I cannot stand is how dumb the Jedi are. “I sense a plot to destroy the Jedi. . .” says Mace Windu. . .uh, ya think? And if he does sense something, why the fuck won’t he do anything about it? He just sits there predicting some shit is going to happen, but doesn’t do anything. Mace is the asshole who was like “That Hitler guy is kinda crazy” but didn’t do anything. Forget you, Mace. And what was with him getting all hacked up, and I have always wondered, did he fall on someone’s speeder? “How did this happen?” asks the mechanic. “Um. . .a fried, armless Jedi Master landed on the hood of my speeder. . .”

I don’t know. I hate the bad acting, some of the writing is crap, and I hate the CG, which is basically in every shot. So I guess it’s safe to say I hate every shot of the movie. (Except the ones with Natalie Portman in them. Haha)

And what is with the last scenes of the movie. “Only a Sith deals in absolutes. . .” what the hell? A grammar lesson? Plus, that statement is an absolute itself. Arrrrggghhh. . .and what is the scene where Vader is put back together? “Lord Vader. . .can you hear me?” What a dumb line. And the “Nooooo!” What the fuck ? I hate this movie.

And now, the Good:

I love this movie. It’s Star Wars. I cannot tell you how excited I was when I saw the theatrical trailer. I watched it about fifty billions times (like I do with all trailers, pretty much.) The image of Anakin walking, hood drawn with a whole bunch of Clones behind him made me full with Star Wars glee. And when Obi-Wan yells “you were the Chosen One!” Just made me think of what would be going on at that moment. . .some epic battle between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi no doubt. I don’t think I have looked forward to any other scene more than that one. And it is pretty cool. Although it wasn’t as good as I had hoped, but it was still Anakin vs. Obi-Wan, apprentice vs. master, brother against brother. The dialogue said by Obi-Wan to the mutilated Anakin was awesome, and has actually made me tear up one time. I know. . .I am embarrassed to say it, but I couldn’t help it.

It is pretty kickass when Yoda kills the Imperial Guards with the Force-pull/push when he encounters Palpatine. Also, it is cool when him and Obi-Wan pwn some Clones outside the Temple.

I can somewhat appreciate the film’s visual style for being more like the old movies. The Tantive IV-esque ship was a nice touch. I guess the only thing else that is cool about this movie is that it finally links the saga together. It’s a sad movie when watching it, though, for it is the last Star Wars. (Crossing fingers for another.)

I enjoyed the lightsaber fights, because my favorite thing about Star Wars are the sword fights. They are so cool. Also, the upped-level of violence was pretty cool I suppose. The emotional dialogue that Padme dishes out right before she is Force-choked is pretty intense. I also enjoyed the dialogue between Kenobi and Anakin right before they fight, sans the silly “absolutes” line. Shit was hitting the fan, and I guess that’s what drama is all about.
I guess Revenge of the Sith’s objective was to have everything go to shit, and it succeeded in that respect. At the end of the movie, the Chancellor is an Emperor, there’s an Empire, Padme’s dead, the Jedi are dead and everything just looks like shit. Cool beans. The space battle in the beginning was pretty epic as well.

In conclusion, I still think I have a certain love/hate relationship toward this movie. I would have preferred Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side to be more Macbeth-like, where it was his own desire for power that caused his downfall. When Palpatine offers him a chance to save Padme, it seems like a legitimate reason for him to go to the Dark Side. . .but I guess trying to play God (bringing people back from the dead) can lead to destructiveness as well. All in all, it’s Star Wars, so I love it. I cannot help it. . .it’s Star Wars, although it kinda sucks. Haha.