Brütal Legend

27 10 2009

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***Much like the article about Black Lagoon, this article is the first article by a guest contributor who goes by the name Cory. He is a long-time buddy of mine and I hope that he continues to contribute for the website in the future! Enjoy!***

Brütal Legend’s opening sequence, before the game proper even starts, has Jack Black walking through a record store and unearthing a forbidden relic of unfathomable power. Inside this ancient, otherworldly tome is a mural of his two-dimensional persona, roadie Eddie Riggs, driving along a treacherous mountain path toward an erupting volcano, away from an emerging sea of hellish skeletons armed with spears, overlooked by an enormous horned hellbeast. Yes, you read that correctly.

Tim Schaffer’s newest brainchild is the type of game that denies all genre barriers, blending RTS, brawler, adventure and driving into an amalgamation of confused results. The distinctions between the different play-styles are blurred throughout the course of your adventure, and in a span of ten minutes you can go from shooting homing missiles from your elaborately constructed daemonic hot rod, to (literally) melting somebody’s face off with your guitar, to juggling streamlined resource management and basic squad commands.

As much as I wanted desperately to enjoy my experience with the game, I couldn’t. Aesthetically the game is a treat, audibly as well, and the story is above-average video game fluff, but the cacophony of uncertain gameplay kept me wishing throughout that it would just finally decide what it wanted to be and focus. Brutal Legend feels like a game suffering from a severe identity crisis. The delivery of the voice acting, especially Jack Black’s comedic timing, is terrific, and the world is a treat to exist in, but it suffers from a similar affliction as Assassin’s Creed, as there are only about five things to do, but the game doesn’t do any single one of them quite well enough to exceed. It’s a classic kitchen-sink game design flaw; The designers had an abundance of ideas but couldn’t edit themselves down to specialize on the most important, and so implemented all of them halfheartedly. It’s not a game that I hated, but I disliked playing it, and only finished out of a sense of loyalty to it’s Schafferian roots. The entire game lasted about five hours, but I didn’t do many of the side missions because all the ones that I did do were really boring. And no Viking metal? Why the brush off, Double Fine?

The humor of Brütal Legend’s world comes through constantly, and the nonstop barrage of Schaffer’s clever and hilarious dialogue does a decent job of distracting you from the fact that you’re fighting more against the game’s nebulous coherence than you are any amount of 80’s glam-rocking miscreants, but it can’t save Brutal Legend from being something so close to brilliant, near enough to grace its fingertips along the strings of excellence, but not quite within reach of striking a chord.





Set Sail with Alestorm!!!

26 10 2009

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As an avid fan of Viking Metal, I am really in no position to say that Pirate Metal is a stupid music genre. I mean, both are really silly and, well, dorky as all hell. I mean, Viking Metal is awesome, but Pirate Metal? Seriously, Pirate Metal? Over the past months, I have to say I have dabbled in some Pirate Metal but never got into it. That is until today, when I heard Alestorm and their song “Keelhauled” for the first time.

Alestorm hails from Scotland, and, well, sings about pirates, wenches, curses, old men with maps, and tales of other sea-faring adventuring. While I’m not so big a pirate fan as a Viking fan, I could still find some badass-ness in Alestorm’s pirate-y opuses, because, in essence, it is Folk Metal with lyrics about pirates. Some of the melodies might be a bit more pirate-based, but many of the same elements, such as using taditional instruments like an accordion and violin, are present.

While live, Alestorm dresses as pirates. That’s pretty cool if you’re into that thing. I recommend listening to their two albums, 2008’s “Captain Morgan’s Revenge” and 2009’s “Black Sails at Midnight.” I heard all of “Captain Morgan’s Revenge” today and have to say it had me bobbing in my uncomoftable-ass computer chair the entire time.

Although Alestorm isn’t Viking Metal, and I still think Pirate Metal seems kind of stupid, I can see them coming into my regular circulation of bands I listen to regularly. So, if you haven’t heard them, here is their music video for their song “Keelhauled,” which is the catchiest song I have heard a good long while. Enjoy!

Bottle of rum and a yo ho ho!





“Dragonworld” by Byron Preiss and Michael Reaves

25 10 2009
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LAME

While at a thrift store one Saturday with a friend of mine, I perused the book section to see what they had in stock. I was somewhat surprised to find that they had no interesting books, since there is usually a gem or two in the unorganized shelving and random piling. Unfortunately I found no gems, but picked up two cheap-ass books. One was a “Norwegian in ten minutes a day” which is totally fucking hard as shit, and the other is a 1979 fantasy book that is nearly falling apart called “Dragonworld.”

I don’t know if I hate all fantasy, or just old fantasy (a time when everyone ripped off Tolkien and pretended like no one would notice). Normally I wouldn’t have picked up and old, yellow-paged fantasy book, but this one had pictures! I know you’re probably rolling your eyes and thinking in a dumb cave-man voice “Wow, he only got it because it had pictures,” but I like fucking pictures in fantasy books so fuck you.

Well, I went on a limb and paid the twenty-four cents (yes, I got this book for less than a quarter) and bought it. I began to read it in the following days, and within a week, I found myself walking to school, flipping through the pages to find the next picture. This book isn’t boring, per se, but, wait, what the fuck am I saying? It is completely boring.

The story starts off with some dumbass kid flying around on some wing contraption. When the kid sees a dragon and gets killed by it (or just crashes and burns and dies), his father Jondalrun (this ugly-ass old dude) is fucking pissed. He blames Amsel, this Da-Vinci-like maker of irrelevant tools and other knick-knackery for his son’s death, for it was Amsel’s flying machine that the fucking kid stole. A Council of Elders is called to talk about the mysterious death, because Jondalrun also accuses the Simbalese (the mysterious folk to the East) of killing his son. He’s kind of a crazy bastard, but whatever. Judging from the rest of the pictures, Amsel flees and ends up in Simbala, meeting a princess and a hero and a whatever the fuck and going on adventures with dragons and all that shit.

The story seems alright enough, except for the fact that I don’t give a fuck at all about who dies or not, but it’s the description that really bogs down the story. Like with many fantasy books, this one tries to build the world within the damn book. Instead of having us learn about how the Council of Elders works during the scene itself, they give us a fucking history lesson about how it was founded, where it first took place, and all this other bullshit that is absolutely not important. Seriously. . .I DON’T NEED ALL THIS FUCKING DESCRIPTION! I don’t give a shit about what this town looks like, because I’m pretty damn sure it looks just like a medieval town. If there’s a fucking skyscraper in the town, tell me, but otherwise, just STFU.

So, in conclusion, this book is lame. It has a sequel, but it can only be read on old-ass computers. Apparently the sequel is a “choose your own adventure” type book that you read on your computer. It has “over 60 magnificent microcomputer graphics,” and will be released in the summer of 1984. . . jesus this book is old.

Although I only paid 24 cents for it. . .I still feel a little ripped off. . . I mean. . .I paid 24 CENTS for it. . . fuck. . .it kinda smells funny too. . .





Pictures from the new Linnalapsi music video shoot!

23 10 2009

Hello everyone, this is Käsey from Linnalapsi, (also Casey from this blog) and it’s time for an update from your favorite non-existant Viking metal band. I am happy to inform all the Linnalapset that a new music video is curently being shot and edited. It should be done by the end of the month or by mid-November (hopefully). To hold you over, here are some images from the new video.

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Jüllyän totally rocking out

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Käsey on the set of the new music video shoot

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Käsey and Jüllyän melting some faces

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Dancing in the woods! YAY!

So there you go. I won’t say for what song the video is for. You all will have to wait for that. Hope to write regular blog articles soon.

Kippis,

Käsey from Linnalapsi





“The Legend of Drizzt” and why I stopped reading

10 10 2009

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***This article acts like a giant spoiler for the whole series of books. If you still want to read them, I suggest you come back and read this after you have finished. Sincerely, Rammfan518***

As you know from reading this blog (if you actually follow it), I am not a big fan of stereotypical fantasy. If you don’t know about my hate for it, it means I am angered by Dwarves who love riches and live in mountains, Elves that live in the forest and are wise, and Humans being the fantastical world’s moral-scale experiment. However, when I was aching for something to read earlier this summer, my friend let me borrow his huge omnibus of “The Dark Elf Trilogy.” I had heard about this trilogy before in 2002, because some bookworm friend of mine was reading them. I had also heard of the character Drizzt do’Urden for a couple of years, but interest in reading either the books or about the hero was absent. So, I was anxious to see what everyone (nerds) was talking about.

I ripped through “Homeland,” the first chronological Legend of Drizzt book, at an amazing speed. Something about a whole other world about Dark Elves and the inter-workings of an underground, corrupt warrior-society was intriguing. And of course, the whole question of whether Drizzt would leave his horrible homeland or not. When he did, I was elated, and ready to go on the next journey. The second book, “Exile”, dealt with Drizzt wandering the caverns of the Underdark, trying to make friends and fighting some more monsters. A scheming villain, Jarlaxle, is introduced. By the end of the book, Drizzt realizes that he must go to the surface world. In “Sojourn,” Dirzzt makes it to the surface and there, meets a few people, some new enemies, entering a whole new world of discovery.

The next book, “The Crystal Shard” was typical fantasy fare at its most basic. There was seriously no deviating from the fantasy-book formula, as Drizzt helped defeat some wizard with the help of his newly found friends, Breunor, Cattie-Brie, Regis, and Wulfgar. In “Streams of Silver”, Drizzt and his friends go and seek out Mithral Hall, the lost Dwarven city. They fight monsters and evade a new villain to the series, Artemis Entreri. In “The Halfling’s Gem,” Drizzt and his buddies have to save their friend Regis from Artemis.

The next series is called “The Legacy of the Drow,” where Drizzt’s pissed-off family search out to kill him. The first book, “The Legacy”, features Drizzt alongside Regis, Cattie-Brie, Breunor, Wulfgar, fighting against Artemis and Jarlaxle. (Although it appears Wulfar is dead by the end of the novel, we later learn in the series that he is not.) In the next book “Starless Night”, Drizzt fights alongside Regis, Cattie-Brie, and Breunor, and fight against Artemis and Jarlaxle. Then I stopped reading, and I’ll tell you why.

For me, the Legend of Drizzt started out wonderfully, then slowly started to decline. Like a sitcom that has run out of material (i.e. Simpsons), it painfully and annoyingly repeated the same conventions over and over . . . and over. What I liked about the first three books of the Legend of Drizzt series was that in each book, there was different setting, and Drizzt LEARNED things. He learned something about life, and experience, and there were situations that dealt with morality, what is right and wrong, and how we feel about said situations. He struggled with his feelings about leaving his home, fighting against a zombie-version of his father, and making friends in the new world. He told the readers how he would feel when he would be outcast by an ignorant people. The first three books dealt with the issues of prejudice, racism, internal struggle, morality, and religion.

From the Crystal Shard onwards, Drizzt drops his introspective aspects and simply becomes and action hero, fighting off monsters and defeated wayward wizards. The themes about what is right and wrong are thrown right out the window, and killing Orcs is in. It is a bit like the Matrix trilogy, in which the first film raises questions about this or that and makes you think, whereas the next two are just action movies. The Icewind Dale trilogy seemed stale; tales ridden with absolutely meaningless adventure and action scenes. No one ever died or sacrificied, and actions were hardly questioned.

As if the loss of the moral depth of the first three books wasn’t enough, The Legend of Drizzt series suffers from a serious problem. In the first three books of the series, Drizzt goes to new places, meets new people, learns from them, and ultimately bids farewell to locations and friends he has made along the way. Once we get to the Icewind Dale trilogy, we have the same characters book after book after book after book. Now, you might think “Well, yea. . .it’s a fantasy series, of course it has the same characters.” I suppose that’s correct, but they run dry after a couple books, and frankly, after that many books, I get sick of the same damn group of people going on some damn adventure that they are for sure not going to die on. So, what is the point of reading?

But what is perhaps worse that using the same morally-good characters over and over is the repeated use of two villains. I cannot tell you how much I cannot stand the two assassins known as Artemis Entreri and Jarlaxle. Jarlaxle is that scheming Drow, who always has a trick up his sleeve. Artemis Entreri is Wario to Drizzt’s Mario, a great fighter and assassin. While these characters are fine and dandy, I cannot read every fucking fight between Artemis and Drizzt. They fight in Book Five, Book Six, Book Seven, Book Eight, and Book Nine, all the while spouting off their philosophies, never really defeating each other. This can get tiring from book to book, reading about the same swordsmen duel it out and try to better each other. It might work twice, but five or more times? I don’t think so. And Jarlaxle is in the book just as common, if not more so.

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Repetitive much?

I was in the book store a week or two ago, and I saw that R.A.’s latest book in the Drizzt line of novels had been released. It was called “The Ghost King” and is the third part of the Transitions trilogy. I believe it is the nineteenth book to follow Drizzt in his many adventures. In the first book of this Transitions trilogy, we have the characters of Drizzt, Breunor, Cattie-Brie, Wulfar, and other series staples. Seriously. . .should characters introduced in the fourth book of a series still be in the seventeenth? Seriously, it begins to run dry after a while. I don’t feel like reading about the same fucking group of heroes who will never die or be defeated. It’s just boring, man.

And that, my friends, is why I stopped reading.





Ensiferum – “From Afar” Album Review

7 09 2009

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Here is my review of the new Ensiferum album, “From Afar!” Tell me what you thought of it!

1. By the Diving Stream

Ensiferum starts off the new album like every other, with a soft instrumental made up of mostly acoustic instruments. “By the Diving Stream” is no different than the other intro tracks of their other albums, serving the purpose of bringing us into the whole “Heroic viking metal” world, getting us in the mood for the songs that are to follow. I had expected this song to be a pretty acoustic instrumental, and that’s just what it is. Some might argue that it is a bit long (at 3:52), but whatever, I dig it.

2. From Afar

Ensiferum returns with the second (and title) track with epic guitar picking, fanfare, and Petri’s “yeeeeeaaaaahh!!!!” Ensiferum sounds like a old villain returning to terrorize a city, or a great hero returning to save the day, or perhaps just a good band returning to what they do best: Make badass music. Ensiferum is definitely back, and it sounds great! From the song, I can tell you that Ensiferum’s style has not changed much. It’s still guitar-laden, with crazy drums, and that keyboard always swirling in the background. And although Ensiferum hasn’t changed much (or at all), I don’t really care. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, I guess. This song is an epic journey and it’s sweet. Enough said.

3. Twilight Tavern

My favorite song from the new album by far, “Twilight Tavern” starts out with raging guitars and sweet drums. It starts off with high energy that continues into the verse, with one of those little lead guitar/rhythm guitar melodies (reminiscent of “Victory Songs’” “One More Magic Potion”). The song continues to rock until it gets slower around 2:20, where all these pretty female voices come in. These don’t last long, however, and Ensiferum is soon back to rocking till the end, when all yell “Twilight Tavern!” one last time.

4. Heathen Throne

An eleven minute song in the middle of the album? Has Ensiferum gone bonkers? Anyway, this track starts off alright, but never really seems to go anywhere. It’s just a slow, Ensiferum-ish ballad, with long guitar strumming and some slow solos, at least for the first five or so minutes. Around six minutes, the song builds into a cool solo, but it is no solo from “Into Battle,” “Iron,” or “Victory Songs.” After this solo, the song goes faster (finally) in some classic Ensfierum quick-metal and double-bass sequences. The song slows down once again, and slowly putters and dies by minute eleven. Sorry guys, but I felt like there was nothing exciting here. Maybe cool live, but I don’t know. . .just. . too slow for my tastes.

5. Elusive Reaches

Ensiferum returns from their eleven minute elevator song with a three and a half minute adrenaline rush. While some of the things may seem recycled, “Elusive Reaches” is quite a good jig, that would have me moshing upon the floor in 0.003 seconds. Sweet rock song. Nothing excellent, but hey, what the fuck? It sounds good and it’s awesome. :)

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6. Stone Cold Metal

A seven and half minute song? Man, Ensfierum is really digging the long songs on this album, I guess. This song starts out with normal Ensiferum fare, but adds a nice female chorus to “haa!” every now and then. Around 3:17, the song basically ends, but starts up again with a whistle and acoustic guitar. This then leads to a piano and drum dance-number. What the fuck? While this is all cool and dandy, what the fuck is it doing here? Around 5:22, a deep voice comes over the funky melody, and sounds a bit like more like a Finntroll song than Ensferum. The guitars return at 6:12 with a banjo. A banjo? What the hell is happening? Solos are about in the sixth minute, then the song returns to its metal roots to end up the song. Although I found myself in a strange confusion, by the end of the song, I had realized I enjoyed every second of it. I am not used to Ensiferum doing those weird Finntroll-esque whistle, piano, and brass dance-numbers, but it was cool. And a banjo? That is fucking weird. So, although it is kind of strange, and doesn’t have much “metal” in it, “Stone Cold Metal” isn’t too shabby.

7. Smoking Ruins

“Smoking Ruins” starts out a lot chiller than some of the songs on this album. The guitars come in with one of their “group singing” parts that runs throughout the song. Actually, all the lyrics of this song are sung together. For a song like this, I think it’s a little long (almost seven minutes). I mean, it’s just normal Ensiferum guitars and the whole bunch of dudes singing. . .that’s about it. Maybe I’ll like it more in the future, but for now, it’s “meh.”

8. Tumman Virran Taa

Whether it’s “Lai Lai Hei” of the album “Iron” or “Victory Song” off the album “Victory Songs,” there is usually a track that features a chorus of “Vikings” singing together in Ensiferum’s native language, Finnish. This time, we get a whole song of it, but it’s just that. There is no music in the background, just the Viking chorus. Well, it’s not so much a song as it is an intro to the next song, because it’s only about fifty-three seconds. It’s alright, I mean, I miss singing these parts with some pretty awesome music in the background, but whatever, it’s all good.

9. The Longest Journey (Heathen Throne Part II)

This song is indeed the longest journey, coming in at 12 minutes and 49 seconds! That is pretty damn long! The song starts off in a slow but epic way, borrowing the melody from “Tumman Virran Taa” in its intro. After a four minute intro of epic guitar, we get Petri’s vocals. The verses are typical Ensiferum-fare, with Petri thrashing his vocal cords of some power chords. The song continues with some folk-inspired solos and Petri screaming, and the Ensiferum guys going “Ohhh ohhh ohhh whoooa ohhhh” like they do in their older songs “Iron” and “Deathbringer From the Sky.” After that, the song just kinda does the same thing until the end. It’s an alright song. It doesn’t really seem to build or go from slow to fast or anything like that. It’s no “Victory Song,” that’s all I’m saying.

In Conclusion: Ensiferum’s new album is what every other Ensiferum album is to me: A couple EXCELLENT songs, some pretty cool ones, and then a couple lame ones. Alright, not “lame,” but they are definitely songs you can space out to. It might sound like I’m ragging on the band, but I did enjoy the funky bridge of “Stone Cold Metal,” the epicness of “From Afar,” the quick “Elusive Reaches,” and my new favorite, “Twilight Tavern.” In an age of album-piracy, I will choose not to be one in this case. This album is worth shelling out the shillings, for the album and the straight-up hard work Ensiferum has put in through the years. This album is a great addition to the Ensiferum discography, I think, and although their sound hasn’t changed a bit, it’s cool. I dig it. Keep rocking, Ensiferum!





“Liebe ist für alle da” NEW RAMMSTEIN SONG LEAKED!!!

19 08 2009

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Not even twenty minutes after I post about new Rammstein news, I learn that one of their songs was leaked to internet! Hearing the news of a song called “Liebe ist für alle Da” sent me on a search like no other. I don’t remember going through links so fast. I was like a whole news room trying to get the latest scoop on the subject. After watching some boob cover the song with his guitar (and play so loud that I couldn’t even hear the song -__-), I found a place where I could hear it.

Originally feeling bad about listening to it before the album is released, I decided to listen to it anyway. What can I say? The temptation was just too great! The new song, “Liebe ist für alle da” (“Love is there for everyone” in German) is AWESOME. It’s definetely Rammstein, with the nice riff and Till’s deep, gutteral lyrics. The lyrics themselves were classic Rammstein, the “narrator” of the song once again being a weirdo who wants love and gets it in the end a very strange kind of way.

I’ll only listen to it once, and wait for the release of the full album to hear it again. I just wanted to say that Rammstein is back and I think that’s totally fucking awesome. :) Thanks Rammstein. I can now almost forgive your four-year break. . .almost. . .

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE ALBUM.

Listen to it (if you want) and tell me what you think.





Ensiferum, Rammstein, and Finntroll NEWS!!!

19 08 2009

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. . . .Sorry about that, everyone. I would write this article with proper structure and a good vocabulary, but I don’t really feel like it. Thus, I will now initiate fanboy mode!!! I discovered some AMAZING NEWS yesterday about some of the bands I follow.

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The new Ensiferum promo pic. Looks awesome!!!

First off, I’ll be talking about ENSIFERUM. I absolutely love Ensiferum, and am super-hyped about their new album, “From Afar,” that is to be released on September 9 of this year. I. Am. So. Fuckin’. Excited. I was so excited by the news of their release date, song titles, and album art, that I wrote an article, and here I am again, reporting on their SONG SAMPLES and new PROMO PICS. OMG!

When looking on Youtube, one must be very weary when watching a video called “New Rammstein song” or “New (whatever band)’s new song 2009.” A lot of times, it’s just a song from a local band or a band of the same genre, but these ENSIFERUM clips are real! They’re either real or extremely convincing fakes. There are many clips on youtube of the new CD, so go ahead and seek them out, my fellow Ensiferum fans! (all seven of you). Here is a clip of their new song “Twilight Tavern.” I think it rocks!!!!!!

In other news, RAMMS+EIN’s sixth album, which still has gone unnamed is now in the “in sight” phase. According to Rammstein.de, the final mix for the album has been completed and we should be expecting interviews and videos about it in the coming weeks. As for a release date, I still have no idea. It’s just nice to know that THERE WILL BE AN ALBUM sometime, and that we won’t have a Duke Nukem Forever situation with Rammstein. I am excited with any news I get, but I am quick to remember the four years of lazy updating and waiting. Give us at least a single, Rammstein! Please! AND, I’m also very miffed that they have no USA tour dates for their next tour. :(

For any of those following Finntroll (me and a couple others), I am excited to hear that they are working on a new album, because, hey, why not have another Finntroll album? According to some of the band members, it is to be the hardest Finntroll album ever. That’s cool, I guess, but I honestly like the sounds of the earlier “Jaktens Tid” and “Nattfödd” albums. The new album is also presumed to be harder than 2007’s “Ur Jordens Djup,” which I found a bit too hard for my tastes. No matter what, I’ll check it out because Finntroll kicks major ass.

Another thing I would like to address is Finntroll’s Live DVD, as to ask, “Where the fuck is it?” While doing some research online, I have gathered that Finntroll taped a Live DVD in Amsterdam on September 22, 2008. So. . .is it just taking a very long time to make. . .or. . .what are they doing with the footage? What else is interesting is that there is hardly ANY information about the elusive DVD. If anyone knows anything, please holler. If they gave me the tapes, I’d be fine with editing it myself. haha.

Stam1na has most recently added a keyboardist to their band. I found this interesting since Stam1na normally thrived upon a no-keyboard-type of sound. Just guitars, bass, and drums. Adding a keyboard might make them more flashy, which is, well, not what I expect from Stam1na. But reading an article, apparently they used keyboards on their CDs before that I never noticed, so I guess the joke’s on me.

I’ll end this article where I began, with ENSIFERUM, because there’s some news I forgot! Apparently at the end of this month (August), there will be a music video released on the web. As to when which day it will arrive, I have no idea, but I am stoked as hell. The video is going to be for the song “From Afar.” The album will come a week or so later on September 9th.

It’s good to be a metal fan!





I miss midnight showings

6 08 2009

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I really wanted to make this a direct part II to my other article, “‘Why I hate Twitter,’ or ‘Give Us Back Our Zombies’”, but could not think of an adequate way of titling it, so that it would obviously follow. And I really wanted to use the word “Addendum” in the title because that word is awesome.  But once again, could find no adequate way of doing so. So I just called it “I miss midnight showings”. This little amount of titling frustration is a good way for me to spark off my nerd-rage.  And so, I begin. . .

Let me wind back the clock to 2005. Tuesday, May 17, 2005 to be exact. At ten in the evening I found myself standing in line at the movie theater, in a vertical throng of the NERDIEST Star Wars nerds assembled. A group I fit in quite well, actually. It was the night we were to see “Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.” An hour later, we were sitting in the theater, anxiously looking at our watches and counting down by the second. One of the most prominent nerds in school kept standing up at five minute intervals and announced just how much time was left before our beloved experience was to transpire. On the floor of the theater, we had people fighting with lightsabers and reciting movie lines. Fifty percent of the audience was dressed in Star Wars costumes. (I was dressed in my “Phantom Menace” shirt with a piece of duct tape over the “I”, upon which I had written a “III”.) The lights then darkened, and we were as excited as could be.

Now let me contrast this with my recent midnight-viewing of “Transformers II: Revenge of the Fallen.” (Both movies have revenge in the title. . .hmm. . funny coincidence, anyway. . .) Although one might consider Transformers a more accessible film series than Star Wars, I was personally surprised when I found the crowd dominated by “bros” and preppie girls with a collective IQ of 200. I looked around with a confused look on my face. I was never a very big fan of the Transformers cartoon, but at least I know something about it. Recognizing some of them from high school, I quickly spotted the non-nerds. I really doubt that “Tiffany” or “Cassie” knew a fuck about Transformers, nor did the fucking bro-dudes that they were there for. Seriously, though, what the hell?

Now once again, I feel like an asshole pretending there is some exclusive movie-going experience, like only nerds can go to midnight shows or something, but I’m just saying that I miss what the experience used to be. Midnight shows used to be the most fun things for nerds, at least for me. Nerds, constantly getting shit for obsessing over a series of movies or some media franchise, now had the chance to watch new films alongside their fellow nerd-brothers and -sisters. While the rest of the world was sleeping or working on homework, I was sitting in the movie theater with a whole bunch of other like-minded geeks, our love for our movies outweighing the obligations of every day life, like school or work, etc. In fact, I took great pride in the fact that would attend a midnight show, only to arrive to school the next morning like it had not happened at all. I would drag during all my classes and need constant caffeine, but that was something I liked and did to fulfill my unspoken nerd duties. But now, people just go because it’s the popular thing to do. Not to mention that like every fucking movie gets a midnight show now, making them even less special.

I don’t know what I wanted to achieve with this article, and I admit I still like an ass for dissing on others for wanting to see a movie. . .but this was our nerdy thing, and we loved it. At least I did. One cannot blame me too much, though. What if it were suddenly popular to go to art galleries? Would the normal wine-sipping folk not be miffed by the new posers? Or what if preppie girls and guys started going to punk rock shows because it was popular? You think the OG punkers would be cool with that? I don’t think so.

Now I’m not gonna go on some sort of crusade and bar all non-nerdy fans from midnight showings, but I felt like saying what was on my mind. With each passing month, I see an aspect of this nerd-culture becoming mainstream, being swallowed by the very group who wanted nothing to do with it in the first place, and it kinda bums me out. Hopefully this whole “it’s cool to be a nerd” thing will pass, so I can enjoy all this shit with my nerd-buddies like I did a couple years ago. At least Viking metal hasn’t become mainstream yet. (Thank god.)





Ensiferum “From Afar” new album cover art revealed!!! OMG!!!

31 07 2009

I know that ninety-five percent of you have no idea who Ensiferum is, and I know that the other 4.8% of you don’t care, but I am excited as hell. Today, after watching the “Ensiferum 10th Anniversary” DVD (freakin’ awesome DVD), I was browsing around, looking at Ensiferum shit. I was actually on the look-out to see if there was going to be a new live DVD, but stumbled upon something else entirely.

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OMG! OMG! Breathe. . .breathe. . .

I don’t know when Ensiferum released the cover art for their new album, but I have to say when I saw it, I gasped with excitement. Unfortunately, I could only find a 250×250 pixel picture, but oh well!

The cover art follows the theme of the other album art: some Viking dude with a sword, doin’ something stoic in some location. Badass, I say. Below are the track titles for the new album. I have no real idea what these mean, but I am guessing that the first song will once again be an instrumental, and that the last song will be an over-seven-minute-long epic. Wooo!

1. By the Dividing Stream
2. From Afar
3. Twilight Tavern
4. Heathen Throne
5. Elusive Reaches
6. Stone Cold Metal
7. Smoking Ruins
8.  Tumman Virran Taa
9. The Longest Journey (Heathen Throne Part II)

It is unfortunate that I have to go to work in an hour, because I’d rather spend my giddy energy on listening and playing to Ensiferum, instead of making pizzas for the public (bleh), but oh well. September 9, 2009 will be an awesome day. Will this be the most epic Ensiferum album to date? . . .we’ll have to find out and see! :D